My fellow blogger, Christina, articulated very well last night, the utter frustration of the weight loss journey. Like her, I have been struggling with motivation for the past week. It's like my fat cells have memories or something ... like they can overthrow my brain. They are used to a certain way of eating and they are going to get what they want by God come hell or high water. Like Christina said, it just doesn't make sense at all. I definitely want to be thin and healthy. So why do the cravings overcome me? Yesterday I started out great, but I lost control again last night.
I told you about what I ate Sunday and Monday, and I gained a couple of pounds back because of it. So I started over on Tuesday, but ended up at Olive Garden since Kevin was off from work that night. I had salad, 1 and 1/2 breadsticks, pasta with meat sauce, and a chocolate mousse pie. Then I met Christina and Dylan at Logans and had some sweet tea and 1 loaded potato skin. Holy crap.
Yesterday I told myself I was definitely going to be on track. Made it through the day just fine, but then last night went to Red Lobster and had two biscuits, salad with red wine viniagrette, wood grilled talapia, broccoli, and baked potato with butter and sour cream. Then went to Wegmans and got two doughnuts and ate them both.
What the hell?
And now I just feel miserable. I'm no better than a drunk or a junkie. Food is my fix, and I definitely fell off the wagon.
Now how do I get back on, and stay on. I'm beginning to believe that weight is all in the mind. Why can some people be so disciplined? And why am I not? If I discover the answer to that, then I think I can lick the weight problem. I have to be honest with myself. It is more than just liking food and eating too much.
Why two doughnuts instead of one? Why two biscuits? Why is half of a dinner satisfying one day, and not another. Why can fruit and fresh water feel wonderful sometimes, and at other times I feel I need comfort food? Where did that all begin?
That's what I'm going to be working on these next few weeks. I'm going to discover where the overeating all began and maybe through sharing it on this blog, I can finally let it go, and get on with a healthy new life.
1 comment:
I think you have discovered where the problem comes from. It is true isn't it? These brains of ours control everything. It controls our behaviors and emotions and thought processes. It seems like our brains must've been trained to think about food as something that will comfort us and make us happy. Now, the hard part is.. how do we retrain our brains??? Thank you for your post, Heather. Now I don't feel so alone. We gotta get back on the wagon and stay on. We will get healthier and happier I'm sure! We just have to figure out how to change our brains and solve this problem once and for all!
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